I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
