well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
