if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
