My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize