Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
