I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
