Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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