Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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