just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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