all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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