I am puke
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
