I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
