she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
