I wish I could teleport
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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