he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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