ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
