i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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