I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
