Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
