Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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