I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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