Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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