YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
