my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
