I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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