I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
