I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
do nipples grow back?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
