Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
