I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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