I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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