I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
