I look better un-naked...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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