is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
