Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize