When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
