just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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