i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
