I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
