arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
