it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
