I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
