ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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