Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize