He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
