I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
