tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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