dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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