Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
