I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Green mimosas i think yes
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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