Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
