You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
