Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
