I want to have your abortion
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
