she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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