Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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