You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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