Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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