The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
