Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
