The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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