dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
