Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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