You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need water and some morals
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