remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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